Parenting | Book Chatter

We Are Completely Beside Ourselves b ook cover set against trees and sky.

We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves
By Karen Joy Fowler
G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2014, 336pp.

The Short of It:

A powerful exploration of a non-traditional family and the impact that one decision has on their lives.

The Rest of It:

The story opens in the middle. This is how Rosemary decides to tell it; for reasons that are explained later. The Cookes are like any other family. A mother and father, a son and two daughters. Except that Rosemary’s dad is a psychologist conducting an experiment in his own home. Young Rosemary loves having the grad students around, documenting their every move. Their comings and goings become part of the lives. Academia, and such.

With the story opening in the middle, Fern, Rosemary’s sister has already been sent away. Losing her sister at such a young age and not really understanding why Fern was sent away leaves Rosemary unsettled. Whereas her older brother Lowell, becomes angry. Very angry. So angry that he eventually leaves home without a word.

As an adult, Rosemary befriends other wayward souls while Lowell remains an unknown, somewhere out in the world doing God knows what. There are glimmers of his existence but Rosemary’s family falls into a deep depression and Rosemary begins to revisit those early years with the grad students. Why was Fern sent away? What role did Rosemary play in it?

I am intentionally not giving you information. This is a book that needs to be experienced. I read a New York Times article about books that stay with you, and this book from 2014 was listed. I had never heard of it but was immediately intrigued. The reporter said to go into it cold. I tried.

It’s a devastating read but when you really dig in, it’s hopeful. Karen Joy Fowler does not consider herself to be an “activist” but in an interview she once said that she considers herself to be a literary advocate who uses her writing to promote awareness of a given cause.

Rosemary’s loss is so palpable. She not only lost her sister Fern, but really her brother Lowell too and a piece of each of her parents. A piece that neither of them seem to know how to get back. Disappointment abounds. But does it?

I chose this book for book club and we had a really good discussion about it. Fowler found her inspiration from two real-life experiments, The Kellogg Experiment and Project Nim. Click on those links if you don’t mind knowing the big reveal.

This is a heart-felt read. There’s much to say about family, science and what is means to be human. Highly recommend.

Source: Borrowed
Disclosure: This post contains Bookshop.org affiliate links.

Count The Ways
By Joyce Maynard
William Morrow, 9780062398277, July 13, 2021, 464pp.

The Short of It:

An amazingly heartfelt story about a family.

The Rest of It:

The easiest way to describe Maynard’s newest story is to say that it’s a story about life. The life that you and I know, have lived or are currently living. As I was reading it, I could relate to different parts of the story as well as different characters as they were walking through it.

At a young age, Eleanor scrimped and saved to buy a farm and the small but lovely house that came along with it. Having some success writing children’s books, she built a small, humble home for herself and when she falls in love with Cam, he immediately becomes her future. The talk of kids and family and raising them on the farm is all that matters to them and so they waste no time. Three children later, Eleanor’s writing career is somewhat on pause due to raising her young children, Eleanor and Cam struggle to make ends meet. Cam? Not concerned. He has what he wants. He’s creating his burl bowls in his workshop and he’s surrounded by his family.

Although the bowls he creates are beautiful, they don’t sell and with Eleanor’s writing career on hold, she slowly begins to resent Cam’s easy going attitude about making, or not making a living. He is the fun parent. Always stepping in to whisk the kids away to the waterfall, or play with them all day long while Eleanor sits in the house trying to come up with new story ideas. During these times, the cracks begin to show. The cracks in their marriage. All is not gold. Is it ever?

This is such a reflective type of read. Eleanor feels every bit of her age as her children grow. The hours spent feeding them, changing their diapers, tending to their every need. It all leaves a mark. At the same time though, it’s exactly what she wanted from life. A home. A family. A loving man to call her husband. As the home life she creates begins to unravel around her, she wonders why she never wanted more for herself.

I loved this story. There is so much to ponder. Especially for me, as my own kids leave this nest we’ve created. I’d turn a page and read something that I’d have to sit with for a little while before moving forward. I’d go to bed thinking about this family, about missed opportunities and about friends and the idea of home and what it means to each of us. This family will stay with me for a very long time.

Simply put, get yourself a copy. It doesn’t matter if you are married, single, have had kids or not. There is something here for everyone. Highly recommend.

Source: Review copy provided by the publisher.
Disclosure: This post contains Indiebound affiliate links.

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