I am in a really strange place right now. After my mom’s passing, and all the other stuff that came with it, I find myself in this weird limbo stage where sometimes I am incredibly happy, and other times (not sad) but anxious. I feel all wound-up.

With the holidays and all the holiday traditions we have as a family, I can almost forget about my immediate problems. I see the tree and smile or I get excited about holiday reading with a warm, holiday drink by my side.

But then, it all comes rushing back to me. Reality. Life is hard sometimes.

Right Now:

I’ve got my cup of coffee and the sunlight is streaming through the window. It’s so pretty outside. COLD. For us, but pretty. We are about to head to church.

This Week:

December came up fast! This week I have two holiday parties to attend: the book club holiday party and one that a colleague throws every year.

Reading:

After my mom’s passing, it took me a long time to pick up a book. However, reading is like a tonic to me so I forced myself to begin again and sure enough, it’s calmed me in ways that no glass of wine could.

I finally finished Summer of Night. It was such a large book and parts of it were classic horror but it dragged in places. I still have to write the review. I am currently reading Commonwealth by Ann Patchett and I really love it.

Watching:

When your life seems like it’s spinning out of control, TV can be a comfort. I’ve watched SO much TV. I’ve watched old shows like Bob Newhart (so comforting) or several episodes of The Wonder Years. I’ve watched dark shows like Black Mirror and holidays classics like Frosty the Snowman. As you can see, anything goes in the TV department right now. I still haven’t experienced The Gilmore Girls yet. Is that a show my daughter and I could watch together?

Making:

I did cook for Thanksgiving but it was a weird day. Everyone was home, which was good but I could not relax. I’ve been making stuff here and there since I had the time off but now I am back at work for a little while and back to wondering what to make. What sounds good? I saw someone post a photo of Rib Eye steaks and lobster tail. Now, that sounds great to me.

Grateful for:

I am grateful for my friends and the many people who have reached out to me in some way over the past two weeks. You guys are the most awesome people. I’ve read every single message and card and some of the things you’ve said have literally brought me to tears. I am so grateful for you.