I am in a really strange place right now. After my mom’s passing, and all the other stuff that came with it, I find myself in this weird limbo stage where sometimes I am incredibly happy, and other times (not sad) but anxious. I feel all wound-up.
With the holidays and all the holiday traditions we have as a family, I can almost forget about my immediate problems. I see the tree and smile or I get excited about holiday reading with a warm, holiday drink by my side.
But then, it all comes rushing back to me. Reality. Life is hard sometimes.
Right Now:
I’ve got my cup of coffee and the sunlight is streaming through the window. It’s so pretty outside. COLD. For us, but pretty. We are about to head to church.
This Week:
December came up fast! This week I have two holiday parties to attend: the book club holiday party and one that a colleague throws every year.
Reading:
After my mom’s passing, it took me a long time to pick up a book. However, reading is like a tonic to me so I forced myself to begin again and sure enough, it’s calmed me in ways that no glass of wine could.
I finally finished Summer of Night. It was such a large book and parts of it were classic horror but it dragged in places. I still have to write the review. I am currently reading Commonwealth by Ann Patchett and I really love it.
Watching:
When your life seems like it’s spinning out of control, TV can be a comfort. I’ve watched SO much TV. I’ve watched old shows like Bob Newhart (so comforting) or several episodes of The Wonder Years. I’ve watched dark shows like Black Mirror and holidays classics like Frosty the Snowman. As you can see, anything goes in the TV department right now. I still haven’t experienced The Gilmore Girls yet. Is that a show my daughter and I could watch together?
Making:
I did cook for Thanksgiving but it was a weird day. Everyone was home, which was good but I could not relax. I’ve been making stuff here and there since I had the time off but now I am back at work for a little while and back to wondering what to make. What sounds good? I saw someone post a photo of Rib Eye steaks and lobster tail. Now, that sounds great to me.
Grateful for:
I am grateful for my friends and the many people who have reached out to me in some way over the past two weeks. You guys are the most awesome people. I’ve read every single message and card and some of the things you’ve said have literally brought me to tears. I am so grateful for you.
Book Chatter 
Gilmore Girls is a great series I discovered after it was over. I also celebrated an attempt at repairing Elizabeth Bishop and Lauren Graham “Bunheads” a few years back which didn’t last too long on ABC Family. Gilmore Girls is still in rotation on FreeForm and UP Network.
The great thing is…it is believeable. It can open up discussions with your daughter (s) that might not just develop without prying or prodding.
I am sorry about your Mom. I lost both of my parents 15 months apart in my early 20s ( gosh! that was almost 40 years ago now) as one died of cancer that was found @ the autopsy and the other died of a stroke.
You cannot mourn on anyone elses schedule than your own! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, OK? I am glad you have family and a faith community but even then, the holidays might just….suck. And that’s OK. Do not push it. Do let people know not to expect “the usual” this year….or even next. And know, we the lurkers in your life, care to stop and listen even if no one else will,
Ah, such wise words. Thank you.
Life is hard at times but I have learned to find little bits of joy everywhere…it’s how I survive. You will get your magic back when you least expect it!
Thinking of you always!
Thanks. I haven’t even had a chance to mourn yet with all this other stuff going on but I suspect it will hit me out of nowhere.
Ti, I found reading to be such a comfort after my Mom died, but it took a while to get my attention-span and reading rhythm back. Don’t worry – it, and the joy in your life, will come in your own time. Sending hugs!
Of course, it helps quite a bit to have really great books to read. I’m also listening to music more which is not something I do regularly.
I can understand why you feel the way you do. I hope the feelings pass quickly. I’m sending hugs your way.
They’d pass if I had a solution for my sister but I don’t so it just seems never ending. I don’t get depressed often but I feel it coming on at times. I’m naturally optimistic so it’s a struggle.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother! Family relationships can be so very complicated, so I understand what you mean.
Complicated, is an excellent way to put it. Thank you for your kind words.
So so sorry about the difficult time your having.Holidays bring out all the emotions.Take comfort in your lovely family &I agree a good book really helps.Happy Holidays🌺
Most of the time I’m fine. I find myself getting frustrated over the lack of options. Plus, the month is really pressing down upon me. It’s moving so fast and as it does, there are fewer and fewer options so I feel pressured. Ugh.
Ti, its totally understandable that you are feeling this way – especially with the holidays. Thankfully you have your family around you and that is what counts. Oh, and of course books help too 🙂 That ribeye and lobster tail sounds YUMMY to me, too. Enjoy your upcoming Christmas parties this week!
It’s hard to lose someone around the holidays. You feel guilty about being happy for anything. This has always been such a great time of the year for me but this year is quite different.
Gilmore Girls is perfect to watch with The Teen! Miss H raced through all of the previous episodes so we could watch the new ones together and I kind of wanted to watch the old episodes with her to re-experience my love of them.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through such a tough time. It really drives home how bad we are about helping people who need help, doesn’t it. I hope you find someplace right for your sister soon.
I have been thinking of you the past few weeks. I think your feelings are supposed to be all over the place right now..
The Gilmore Girls….yes! Watch it with your daughter. We started it as a family a few years ago and got through the first few seasons on DVD. Very funny. My husband really enjoyed it, too, which surprised me.
Maybe The Gilmore Girls will be a nice distraction too.
Still sending warm thoughts your way. I hope you all are hanging in tight and doing as well as you can.
I haven’t watched Gilmore Girls either but plan to, once I am done with Star Trek Voyager. It’s been on my radar for a while but I never got to sit down and watch it. I am very behind on TWD. I haven’t been back since the first episode. At this rate, I may wait until the mid-season finale before catching up.
Oh, honey, I still just want to hug you forever. I’ve been thinking about you a ton. I am so so sorry that you lost your mom right before the holidays, and I’m saying tons of prayers and sending so many good thoughts your way.
Have you never watched any Gilmore Girls at all? If not, I think yeah, it could totally be a fun thing to experience with your daughter! I am watching the later seasons at the moment and enjoying them a lot.
Thank you! I am just plodding along at work. I took a good chunk of time off since I had already requested vacation for Thanksgiving week. That, along with the funeral leave gave me more than two weeks but I am still overwhelmed with worry but it comes in spurts. I suppose that is because I am so easily distracted. Sad one minute, laughing over something the next. People think I am losing it. I’m fine but I do feel like laughing helps. Keeping busy helps. You know I’ve never had a problem in that area.
I’m glad you’re all right Ti. I think you need more time. Take things slow. A lot has happened. It’s stressful. Life. Just partake of little comforts that will ease your mind. Like your little dog. or TV. or a good Stephen King. Keep doing these things. You’re obviously a very sweet person, who a lot of people care about. & you have a great nose for good reads. By the way, I’m 1 episode behind of Walking Dead. and have 2 episodes left till it ends. I’m ready to kill Negan, or maybe Maggie will … take care, susan
I don’t know if I have anything to add to what’s already been said, because I feel the same way: my thoughts and prayers are with you and I understand the need for comfort reading and comfort TV. Hope that helps in the short term as well as the time with the Hubs, The Teen, and The Girl.
Thanks. Fuses are short these days so we’ve all been getting on each others nerves. We need a break from the stress. I did watch a charming movie the other day which cheered me up (The Man Who Came to Dinner). I am probably going to buy a copy of it and peruse the Turner Classic Movies website for some more.
I can’t even imagine how hard the holidays are for you and the family. I hope you were able to find something for your sister. I know that’s important to you. I do think about you often and hope that you at least can find some relaxation and that the “strangeness” ebbs away. HUGS
Nope. Haven’t found a place for her yet and I don’t expect to. Seven year wait lists and her inability to be around others is a real challenge.