Jerk Update

A few days ago, I spouted off about something that happened to my son and so many of you took the time to comment or talk to me about it via Facebook (thank you). I can’t say that I am feeling much better, but here’s what happened.

After my email to the head coach, I received an email reply the next day. The email was delicately worded, but more concerned with my husband’s reaction to the coach in question, than the issue at hand. You see, after my blog post, my husband decided to talk to Coach Jerk and it was not pretty. Needless to say, Coach Jerk morphed into even more of a jerk, which I didn’t think was possible. The head coach’s email stated the following:

*That my son was not kicked off the team.

*That my son never indicated that he was having problems with his health.

*That my son was disrespectful and mouthed off to the coaches.

Not true. When I read that email, I almost lost it but at the bottom of the email, was the head coach’s number so I called him. After a very long talk, he admitted that out of the three coaches, the third coach did not witness any disrespect and that he even stated that my son was “not that kind if kid.”

We talked for a very long time. What started off as a very firm email of support for his coaches, turned into a misunderstanding for all parties involved. I am not 100% okay with it although I do think there was a misunderstanding in that the Jerk took my son’s pain as a sign of rebellion. What I did get out of it, is that the head coach is essentially a good guy and was trying to see both sides of it without putting any one party down in the process.

End Result:

My son was invited back, but we chose to keep him out for the following reasons:

*The collusion between the two coaches is unacceptable. I don’t want my kid around people who are willing to back each other up when they KNOW they are in the wrong. The “good ole boy” club is alive and well and I want no part of it. I pretty much told him so.

*Even if all parties agree to start over, I don’t think my son would make it through the season with Coach Jerk riding him every time he had a problem.

I did not get a dime back because my son was invited to return. I was really very close to taking it higher, but the head coach suggested that my son try again next year, under a different coach. If he does come back, I don’t want him to get blacklisted because his mother took it all the way up. Know what I mean?

And even though I feel as if we got the short end of the stick in this, I do think that the head coach is going to keep an eye on Coach Jerk. In fact, I am positive he will. This guy is a loose cannon. Unhappy in life and taking it out on these kids. It will come to a head, and this jerk will get his. Of that, I am sure. It would be good to nip it now, but when you have coaches backing up other coaches, it’s difficult to do unless the kids come forward. Some of the kids offered to quit, but my son told them not to. So there you have it.

My son has been very depressed since it happened. I thought that signing him up for the next show (The Music Man) would improve his spirits but he’s dragging himself around like a sack of laundry. One funny thing to note…I just found out that his cross-country coach was an old teacher of mine from high school! Can you believe it? Funny and nice. At least with that sport, I know he’ll be respected by his coaches. A little bit of light during this dark time.

If I didn’t have to think about grudges and repercussions, I would have reamed Coach Jerk  in every way possible so this is an unusual position to be in. I’m a little depressed over it myself and so close to just taking it to the top anyway, but I am trying to put a little distance between it and myself. I just feel badly for my son. Now, he can’t play and it sucks.

34 thoughts on “Jerk Update”

  1. well…i admire you for holding your tongue. i wouldn’t have. my question..with all due respect pls….in life you are goung to get a job where the boss has it out for you, your coworker is a sneak, etc…..maybe this would be a good time for your son to learn to try and deal with this? esp. since he seems so down. and you have had a conversation with the coach that can be brought up if mr jerk decides he can’t play nice.
    my son was much younger when our mr jerk came into play but ours involved kids too that wouldn’t be reigned in
    good luck

    1. If he didn’t have a health issue to deal with, returning would be a possibility. I can’t have this guy push him to work through pain. Not for this condition. Doing so means he will be out for weeks and the last time this happened in PE, he missed soooo much school and almost failed the quarter.

    1. I know that the competitiveness can get out of hand, but this wasn’t even that. It was just him being the jerk that he is. You are right, most of the time it is the adults that ruin the sport. The kid just wants to play!

  2. I’m glad you spoke with the head coach and he sounds okay; hopefully he will keep an eye on that jerk coach. It just sucks that any of this even happened. Hope the Boy perks up soon. And, I think you and your Husband are great parents for tackling this whole situation head on.

    1. It was difficult to keep The Hub in check. Men want to handle stuff differently and with this jerk, it would not have gone well. Although I feel as if we are not over it yet, we will be. The idea of spending an entire season with the guy was giving me stomach pains even before this happened.

  3. Sorry to hear of your issues with coaching for kids. It is sad that this happens but we all know that it does. I like your approach – you made your point with the current powers to be and can wait to see what happens over the next year. Hope your son is able to shake it off before too long. That is the saddest part of it all.

  4. What I have learned in life is that I grow the most as a human being due to painful situations. Unfortunately, this situation probably has your son doubting himself versus coach jerk. HOPEFULLY, the upside is that your son learned how NOT to treat people. Chins high to sky!!!

    1. You have a point. Difficult situations are often learning experiences. I hope that’s the case here because I really wanted to go off on the guy!

  5. So sad that children suffer due to out of control did the right thing for your son and he will be proud of you and your husband as he matures.Good thing about kids they bounce back harder for the parents.

    1. Thanks! That is what I am hoping. That he’ll bounce back pretty soon. Right now he is still moping and not himself.

  6. This sounded like a lose/lose situation from the last post. Kids are so delicate at this age and the teachers/coaches have so much influence.

    Are all of his friends on the team? Did he ask to get to play again? tough parenting moment…. sorry. I remember these being the hardest years (sorry to tell you that).

    1. He has several friends on the team. All of them offered to quit but he told them not to. The head coach said that he could come back, that he was never kicked off (not true) and that after our talk, he could come back and try again but I didn’t see how that could work when Coach Jerk was still standing by the lies he told. If would be different if there was an apology… maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know how sincere it would be if the guy was forced to do it.

  7. Ah I missed your first post about this (though I’ve now read it), but I’m so sorry that you and your son had to deal with this jerk. Sounds to me like you made the right call in not letting your son go back to the team. Blech. Good for you for sticking to your guns anyway!

    1. I try to look at it this way… one less kid for this jerk to pick on. I’ve heard that he’s tossed additional kids off since my son. He is not going to have a team! He only had 14 when my son left.

  8. My oldest daughter’s soccer team got a new soccer coach her senior year, a coach who for reasons still unknown, HATED my kid. With college scouts on the sidelines she made my kid sit out half of a tournament bc my kid asked to come off the 106 degree field for a quick break (something my kid had never done b4 nor since). When I went to check on her, the coach told me “if she could abandon her team to the wolves, she could just sit there.” After getting over my shock, it was all my husband could do to keep me from tackling the coach. This incident happened during a preseason tournament so I knew then the season would be bad…and it was. Long story short ( too late, I know), we made it through the season, my kid still got her scholarship, and once she graduated I used my English teacher power to write the most scathing, detailed letter to principal, superintendent and school board. They can’t ignore written complaints, but you have to find the time that works best for you. It was a hard lesson for our daughter but she learned perseverance and not to let buttholes walk all over you, and that there is a right way/ wrong way to handle conflict. I still wish it hadnt happened though, and I’m glad it’s over. Hang in there.

    1. It seems ridiculous to think that a coach could hate a kid, but it happens all the time. Parents who are not involved with sports, have a hard time believing how cut-throat it can be. The nastiness is not necessary, yet it often exists and dealing with these jerks is like walking a thin tight rope. You choose your battles and weigh the risks. I couldn’t really see an easy way to deal with this one since the two coaches are so willing to back each other up. They could do anything to him down the line, and they’d have each other for back-up. It would be very hard to prove anything with that type of collusion going on.

  9. What happened to The Boy sucks and I’m sure he is terribly disappointed. But you are probably right to bite your tongue at this time. You’d like to think that there would not be future repercussions a year from now but you and I both know that some of these coaches can really hold a grudge against a kid and absolutely will take it out on them every chance they get.

    1. You know how sometimes you can just tell a guy is going to be a jerk? I felt this way when I shook this guy’s hand for the first time. A little bit too superior than everyone else, smirk on face, asshole stance. He SCREAMED jerk at the open house. I knew going in that he was going to be a problem so when this happened, it didn’t surprise me, but I was surprised at how helpless I felt when the other coach backed him up. I realized that there was little I could do without causing a problem for my son for next year. It is taking everything I have to not take it higher.

  10. I think it sucks big time too. I hate the retaliation part of it and you know that when you’re not looking it will happen.

  11. I know that this kind of thing happens, but it’s so maddening to hear that it is happening to someone I know and care about. Your son doesn’t deserve to be blacklisted and given a hard time because 2 grown adult men can’t get their act together and have anger issues. I have witnessed this kind of behavior in team sports, and it is sad. The kids just want to have a good time, but the coaches can sometimes make that impossible. I am glad you had the courage to step up, and as a mother, I have had to do that many times before. It’s so angering to have your child treated disrespectfully. I wish you both peace, and I hope that your depression over the incident is eased very soon. Hugs over there.

    1. Thanks, Heather! I am still in a funk and so is The Boy. I just feel like sleeping it off but here I am at work. He is busy with cross-country so hopefully he will get into the swing of things soon and forget that jerk.

  12. I think you made the right decision to keep him out as this would be such a bad environment for him. But it toally sucks that Coach Jerk “wins.” Karma shall get him in the end though. I believe that truly.

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