Today marks my very first Confessions of a Reader post. You can read more about the idea here, but here it is in a nutshell:
- Whenever you have something you want to share, just spill it (you know you want to). Just create a post of your own, grab the button thingy above and then add your post link to Mister Linky below.
- I will be here every Saturday, but you need not commit to a weekly post. Post when you have something to share.
- Posts can be rants about something you are reading, or a deep, dark secret. All I ask is that the post relates to reading or blog reading in some way. If you want to piggy-back off of what I post, then that’s okay too.
- Posts can be as short or as long as you like and can include more than one topic.
- The goal is to get to know one another better.
Here’s mine:
I recently went through my reader and dropped some blogs from my follow list. These were blogs that I enjoyed, but after following them for several months and posting regular comments, these folks never once visited my blog…ever. At least not that I know of.
Now I realize that some bloggers are not in this for the comments. They blog about what they love and that’s fine. The difference with them is that they never comment on any blogs. I get that. What I don’t get are the ones that do comment elsewhere, but not on mine, yet I read and comment faithfully on theirs.
Is there such a thing as comment etiquette? Am I wrong to feel a bit jilted?
If someone posts a comment on my blog, and they sign-in with their contact info, then I almost always pay them a visit back. Why? Because I like to check out new blogs. I’ve met a lot of nice folks this way. I realize that everyone cannot do this, but stopping by to say ‘hi’ once every couple of months? Sounds doable to me. Would you agree?
So, there you go. I dropped them because interaction is important to me and I’ve never been a fan of one-sided relationships. Also, if you leave regular comments and wonder why I never visit your blog, then it’s probably because you post anonymously. I cannot pay you a visit when it posts as a “no-reply comment.” Some of you anonymous folks have wonderful things to say and I always want to respond to you but I am never sure if you will come back to see my comment. I need to figure out the threaded comments thing to make this process a bit easier.
On another note, I went to the bookstore last night and saw the Her Fearful Symmetry display and thought that the cover was u-g-l-y. Sorry, but it doesn’t look anything like the ones that have been floating across the blogosphere. I realize that I tossed this in here and that it has nothing to do with my topic but it was on my mind.
If you’d like to include your own confession, enter the name of your blog below and then add the permalink to your post. Or, if you aren’t quite ready to post your own confession then comments are fine too 😉
Book Chatter 
I'm not commenting as much as I have in the past. I'm currently unemployed and most of my time is going into trying to find a new job. I do however respond to each and every comment left on my blog with a comment of my own and an email back to the person who left it.
Oh no. I am afraid I might be guilty. There are some people that comment on my blog who I haven't chased down – not you, thankfully. I just run out of time!!!! I've always felt guilty about it. OK, I am determined! I'm going to do better! I don't want to hurt anyone!
Ok, I'll be first. I'm sure it is fine that I am not a blogger. I have dropped blogs from reader because I have made many comments and never once had any type of response on their blog, even when the post was a question or I was asking a question. I felt like I was wasting my time or that no one was really out there.
rebecca dot cox at charter dot net
I did exactly the same thing on my reader for the same reason. And it's the same thing – not the people who never comment on ANY, but those who comment on others. There are so many blogs and it seems as good a way to choose as any!
I've been concerned that I'm guilty of this exact thing and it's been something that I'm working on. I like that you chose this topic to rant on! Great feature idea!
I love this confessions feature!
I found your post very interesting. I have been following your blog for a while, but have to admit that I have no idea how often I comment. I think this is because we have different taste in books, so I'm not compelled to comment on any of your book reviews and am just on the look out for discussion posts like this one!
I completely understand the desire for interaction and I think it is a great idea to remove people who don't comment on your blog.
I have far too many blogs in my reader and need to think of a way to reduce them. Your suggestion is very logical. I look forward to coming back to see what others think.
You are stirring it up now! I completely agree with every word you said. There are a small handful of blogs that I follow that don't return the favor, like dooce, but mostly they are so big that it doesn't really bother me. A couple of them reply by email but don't visit my blog and that's ok too, I can understand wanting to limit the blogs you visit. Sometimes I think I subscribe to too many and don't comment enough everywhere, but figure once in a while is better than never.
I don't have a post as I have not had nearly enough coffee to think clearly yet but I wanted to say that as a new blogger I appreciate any blogging etiquette tips. I have been questioning my blogging etiquette all week. You have answered some questions for me and for that I thank you!
I can understand your frustration. I try to visit all or most of the blogs that visit mine, plus some of the others I like. I don't keep track of where I comment vs. who comments back, but I think if I were a fan of someone's and they never commented on mine I might notice that. Even if I don't have anything deep to say in reply to a post, I can usually manage something. Shrug. I can't blame you if you decide to drop blogs where the relationship is so one-sided.
What a fun feature Ti. Your post hit home, in fact, I could have written this post myself.
You expressed exactly what I've been feeling. Last week after BBAW, to too deleted some blogs from my reader, as I am not a fan of 1-sided relationships either.
I know I may on occasion forget to respond; it is not intentional.
I've also deleted some blogs that just don't post on a regular basis and may have but blogging on a back burner.
All – you guys have brought up some good points. I am always looking out for new bloggers because I remember how hard it was to get going when I first started. So if I see a comment from a new blogger, I try to befriend them. It's a nice confidence boost when they think their comments fall on dead ears.
Also, I fully realize that people may not post or visit because of me or the content in my blog, etc. That's why I brought this up.
Farmlane – you bring up an excellent point. I have been in the same situation where the blog that I have been following doesn't really review the types of books I read. I then comment when I can on other posts so you mentioning the need for discussion posts helps a lot. After BBAW I promised myself that I would try to interact in different ways. Thank you for the feedback.
Beth – I know how hard it is to be a new blogger. If you ever have a question please feel free to ask it 🙂
Like Sandy I fear I might be one of the guilty ones. I've had a very hard time commenting back lately, partly because of the baby. I think part of my issue too is that I get my comments in my email, often through my phone, and then forget whose blog I need to check out when I sit down at the computer. So there are new commenters I haven't gotten to and old ones who I've been neglectful about visiting. Bad!
Addendum: Many of the blogs I've been neglecting HAVE been getting read, I just haven't commented because I keep getting so behind in my Reader that I feel like I can't slow down and comment unless I have something REALLY good to say.
I love your new idea for a Saturday post! Although I don't have enough time today to create my own to link to, I will definitely be participating in the future! As far as commenting – I typically always leave a comment if I've visited a blog. I seldom leave without saying hello. There are times when I'm very good about answering comments, but some days are just too short and I simply run out of time!
More frustrating to me are those people who have private profiles and don't leave a url when they comment. I've had people leave questions in their comments, and once I got a comment saying "I left you an award on my site" but their profile was private. They left no link and have a very common name. I really wanted to visit their site, but my mind is not good enough to mentally sort through the blog catalog and try to remember off the top of my head which ones are hosted by people with this common name. How can I subscribe to their feed, comment or answer a question if they don't give me any information about their blog?
I've been commenting much less often in the past month or so, but the one thing I try to do is visit those who comment on my blog. I agree that it's good etiquette.
I hope I am not guilty of it. I usually comment on blogs at work and if someone comments on my blog more then once I usually comment back, as you said it's a good way to befriend bloggers. But some of the blogs are blocked at work or the comment box is blocked so I cannot comment back and then I rarely comment from home, so I forget.
But yes, great topic, I need to be more careful.
Guilty as charged. Now I'm going to go hide my head in shame.
I do understand where you're coming from, though. Between working full time, school full time, two kids under the age of three and blogging, I'm still trying to find time to keep up with actual reading and commenting on other blogs.
I think the problem began when I let my feed reader get out of control with about a million book blogs. I wanted to follow everyone's great reviews and recommendations. But it eventually got so large that there was no physical way to comment on everyone's blogs and still keep my regular life moving along (I'd have to sit at the computer 10 hours a day to keep up with all that). So I kinda just gave up.
But you're right, there needs to be interaction in the book blogging world. I think I just need to reduce my feed reader a bit. Now I just need to figure out a way to do that….grrrrrr.
Great post, Ti!
It's so interesting to me how we all have different perspectives on the commenting thing. I figure there's no way I can possibly comment on all the blogs I read and enjoy, and I also assume that there will be blogs I enjoy where those bloggers don't necessarily enjoy or follow mine. But that's OK with me as long as I continue to enjoy reading their posts. I like comments as much as the next guy, but I don't really keep track of where I comment and who comments with me.
Re: the cover of HFS. I kind of agree. I loved the book and wanted to LOVE the cover. I just wish it weren't so shiny.
Too busy to write a post today but wanted to say that I am probably guilty of this too. I have a hard time balancing blogging (writing, reading and commenting) with other things like work, reading, crafting, being a mom. The first thing to go often for me is commenting and I always feel guilty. I do try to comment all all my favorites every so often. There was one blog in particular that I used to comment on and participate in her memes but I rarely received a comment,so I removed here. I didn't expect tons of comments, but once in a while would have been nice.
Like Farmlane, I also read some blogs whose reviews of books are not of books I would read. So I try to comment on their other posts.
I WILL do better at this!
*smiles*
Kim
Interesting post and comments. The great thing about blogging is the control we have over what we write and what we read, so delete away Ti! There are blogs I used to frequent that I don't anymore and new ones I'm checking out. It is impossible, of course, to read every post or comment back every time someone visits us, it's all about balancing our online life with our "real" life;)
Oh man (hanging my head in shame) I KNOW I'm awful at commenting on blogs I regularly read. I try to keep track of many blogs by visiting when I have time and that may be my problem. When I have the free time I try to visit my long list of saved favorite book blogs but I don't usually take the time to always comment. I guess I know I can either visit many blogs and read the posts or reduce the number of blogs I keep track of by 75% and comment on a chosen few – but how would I ever decide who to drop? I think I'd rather keep on reading many blogs while commenting infrequently.
This is a great post. I've recently started doing my bloghoppping a little differently. Rather than start with my Google Reader, I try to remember to start with those who've commented recently on my blog. I have to admit, I love the randomness of doing it that way! And for something even more crazy, I've discovered I like to check out blogs of those who comment on posts at OTHER people's blogs! I've discovered some really great blogs that way, and again, the randomness of it appeals to me. If I have time left for my Google Reader blogs, I go the randomness route again – I have everyone placed into alpha-sorted folders, and instead of going to specific blogs, I click on the folder itself. This brings up the most recently posted titles from ALL the blogs in the folder, and those are the posts that I read. I figure eventually I'll catch up with everyone using this method 🙂
What a good post! I'm definitely guilty of this. I've been trying to remedy the situation recently, but honestly I follow over 200 blogs and there's just no way I can comment on all of them. I do really try to comment back to those who comment on my stuff, especially new bloggers who visit me for the first time, but it truly is difficult for me to keep up. I just can't seem to get to reading 20 books a month, reviewing those books, participating in memes, and commenting all with working (not having access to internet at work) as much as I do. But I'm totally working on this! I swear. 🙂
This was a really interesting and thoughtful post. I love this new feature of yours!
All – This has been a great discussion. I see everyone's point and I've also picked up some tips on making blog hopping a bit easier for me as well. Belle! You are so organized.
Thank you for all of your comments. It feels good to share and I am glad that you guys found it useful as well.
Hope you all had a wonderful Saturday.
Your post made me think-I also visit the blog of any one who comments on my blog and normally I will become a follower-I am always adding new blogs to the lists of those I follow-I rarely drop a blog once I subscribe as it costs me only a few seconds to look at it-once there was a blog I had begun to like until the blog owner posted a comment that no one actually liked "Moby Dick" and only those forced to read it in school ever read the book. I canceled my subscription.
Rather than email you, I just wanted to hop over here to say thanks for your comment on my blog today about my son leaving for China. We do have skype accounts set up and have practiced skyping between the family room and the den! Facebook and My Space have been banned in China and we are hoping skype hasn't. There was some talk that it had–but we are ready to go if it hasn't!
We are getting ready to eat our filet mignon dinner in a bit, watching the Seattle Sounders soccer game and planning a board game to play later.
*smiles*
Kim
Interesting post! I dropped a few blogs from my reader too, some that didn't read me and some that I didn't find myself commenting on much just because I didn't come across a lot of posts I felt like I had anything interesting to add. I guess my point is that it can go both ways.
I do try to comment on all the comments at my blog when I can — I think that's important. I hope people use the subscribe by e-mail button to see my comments, but who knows. I guess I just like knowing my space is one where people can feel like having a conversation.
What a gutsy new meme! And you really jumped right in, didnt' you? I don't know that I'll be able to participate in the meme itself, but you've certainly sparked an interesting discussion. I know that I cannot comment back to everyone who comments on my blog each and every time they visit. I do have a 2-3 dozen bloggers that I try to stay in contact with at least weekly. I envy those who can respond to every comment I leave, and then I feel guilty, too. Then I remind myself this is supposed to be fun and I carry on doing the best I can. Sometimes my best actually amounts to very little. Other times, I can't shut myself up! 😉
Wow! 26 comments on this post.
I feel the same way about comments. I've about decided that I don't write interesting posts. I do appreciate those that do. That appreciation does increase my comment numbers, though. And. like you, I love comments.
Ti,
Thanks for the kind words. There sure is a lot to learn when blogging and I sure don't want to hurt someone feelings. I appreciate you welcoming new bloggers. Those first comments sure are exciting!
You bring up a great point – one that I agree with, but also one that makes me feel a little guilty. I love receiving comments and I love giving them to others. I feel like my blog is so much more worthwhile when I know that people are visiting it and reading my thoughts and ideas. I feel even better when they have something great to say about those thoughts and ideas. And I feel like other people must feel the same way so I try my best to be a faithful commenter to all the blogs that I read. Still, that being said, I'm horrible at keeping up with my googlereader. There are so many things that get in the way so that by the time I'm sitting down at my computer to catch up, there are a daunting number of posts to get through. So, while I try to comment consistently, I infrequently am able to actually do so. Still, I do try to comment at least once on everyone's blog when I do get around to it – does that make me a slightly better blogger?
Ti, great point. It is really important to have two-way relationships in the book blogging community. However, I also do not comment on all the blogs I read. But my main thing about book blogs is that first, I like reading those ones who have the same taste in books as I, because I like to get recommendations. Sometimes I comment, other times, no. I don't really mind if they read my blog or not, as long as I get book ideas from them. Second, I like visiting bloggers who also visit me, because I love the friendships being formed, no matter how different our reading tastes are, the important thing with these blogs is sharing our love and passion for reading and being able to talk about them in a warm, friendly, comfy way. As for blogs who visit me that are new, I also make a point to visit them but the past weeks have been so hectic that I have just been starring some posts on my reader with the intent of going back to them. I hope I do better on this one.. I mean on a timelier manner! As maybe the other bloggers think I don't read them, but I do. I just can't comment sometimes due to time restraint. Anyway, I enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts. 🙂
Ti, and all bloggers, as a non-blogger, I sure wish there was an easy way for us to just ask a random question. Some blogs just have reviews. I feel weird asking a question in a comment on a review. Some mostly have giveaways. "Ditto". I love Posts like this that questions can be brought up and discussed and I am seeing more of these.
Since I am a non-blogger, I delete blogs off reader in two ways, books that are not in my genre or that don't interest me, and bloggers that never respond to commenters. I now have my reader down to a manageable number although it seems to change every week. I will add a couple here, drop one there. That is the fun of it I guess.
My blog is almost 3 months old so this is a great topic for me. I have noticed that a few blogs I visit regularly don't appear to visit me at all. I understand that not everyone is going to be interested in my blog content and that's okay. There are so many great blogs that I figure if one blogger has no interest in my blog I might as well focus my attentions elsewhere. But I really like hearing the thoughts of more seasoned bloggers on this issue.
I realize so many bloggers have full time jobs and children too care for when they get home. But if you visit a blog for 2 and a half months and comment on 75 – 80%of their blogs and they don't even come by to sy hi in your blog, well, I'd say that's a pretty good hint that they're not interested in your blog at all! I stopped visiting one blog for reasons simialr to this and another blog again for similar reasons but also for some other issues. I felt kind of guilty about doing so but when I thought about it I felt like that blogger could have come by once just to say hi and let me know she was there and interested. Maybe I'm wrong?
Boy is there a lot to learn when you're a new blogger!
Ti, I think your mem is a great idea.
If I have an idea or topic for your meme, am I supposed to wait until Saturday to link it to your blog?
ccq – If you just have a question that is not related to a blog post, you can always send an email. Most bloggers have a contact email noted.
However, I use a different email for contact than my everyday email so I am okay with you posting a non-related comment. Just say…"on another note" and then ask away!
First, I totally agree with you — I wish everyone would have an e-mail associated with their blogging account.
Second, I try not to get caught up in "did that person comment on my blog after I commented on theirs" BUT if it goes on for too long that I never hear from them, I do tend to lose interest in their blog UNLESS they are writing stuff I really want to read. I try to be a good commenter to others and I guess I do kind of expect it back.
I also try to visit everyone who comments on my blogs. It may take awhile but I do my best.
But I definitely don't expect a comment to match every comment I give but I do think I do expect a little relationship or two-sidedness now that I think about it.
Great topic! I tend to fall behind in blog reading and commenting, not to mention responding to my own comments. If someone asks a question, I tend to email them as soon as I can, as responding to a batch of comments might take me some time.
I wish I had more time in the day to read blogs and comment on them, but I'm getting better in this respect. It's so hard because I work and have a family and other "real world" activities to attend to. I'm trying to carve out a time each day to read blogs. But I've done the same thing, unsubscribing from blogs. I don't think I've unsubscribed solely because someone doesn't comment back on my blog, usually it's because the content doesn't interest me anymore.
–Anna
Diary of an Eccentric
That's interesting. I haven't been to a book store in a while but I didn't know Her Fearful Symmetry has a different cover. That's annoying.
I'm not sure about comment etiquette. On one hand, I do notice when I comment on others' blogs, but they don't comment on mine. But on the other hand, I have enough trouble keeping up with my Reader, much less commenting on new blogs. It's a difficult balance!
Oh the commenting thing is so hard and a constant source of guilt for me. There are days when I all I do are follow tweets to certain posts and even then I don't always comment.
Like Jackie said, there are often times when I just don't feel I have anything interesting to say. 😦
I like your new meme and while I also host a Saturday meme so I don't know if I'll be able to participate.
Awesome post and awesome comments. I think everyone has the same thoughts at one point or another. I went through a period where I tried to follow or subscribe to everyone who commented on my blog, but I just couldn't do it. Part of it was time, part of it was that some blogs you just don't click with.
I have tried to be better at visiting those who comment on my blog, even if I can't make visiting their blog a regular occurrence. I think it's good manners, etiquette, whatever you want to call it!
Oh, and I agree with Alyce in that it's really hard to comment or get back to people when they have private profiles or don't have an email address listed in their profile.
I agree Ti. As soon as things get settled at my house I'll be going through my reader as well. I'm thankful for those who have stuck with me lately when I've been unable to get any blog reading done but they still commented on mine. Like you, I really enjoy the interaction. It's like having friends all over the world with the same crazy obsession as me-books!
I read this and thought, "Oh crud! I hope I'm not one that got the ax." I have not done so well with commenting on other blogs but have recently tried to change that. I love receiving comments and I love reading new blogs but it takes time and effort to catch up with everyone. I have been working through my Google Reader a bit each day but I get overwhelmed often. I just don't know how frequent commenters, like you and BermudaOnion and Trish, do it. I appreciate your confession and ask you to give me another chance. 🙂
I love this new feature.
So many good points here! I always visit everyone who comments on my blog and try to leave a comment. I will ususally 'bookmark' them to go back, and sometimes wind up adding them to bloglines or not, depending on if we have similar tastes in books, etc.
I would not say I am a great commenter (big surprise!). Like many others, I am also busy, but I tend to be a post skimmer depending on the topic. It's often easier for me to let posts for someone pile up, say 4-5 posts, and then look them over and make 1 or 2 comments depending on what interests me. I definitely love your comments, Ti and think you are an awesome commenter!
Hi Ti:
I am commenting all the way from The Hague just to make sure you don't drop me. I too, like a little give and take when it comes to comments. I recently signed up for a service that lets me know where my traffic is coming from and I am most amazed by the folks who come to my blog from Google searches. Some of the random things people search for is crazy and then they end up on my site. I wish some of those folks would leave comments as well.