Last night my book club met to discuss The Bone People. Overall, it was a good discussion but I was distracted by the mutterings of another member. Yes, I said mutterings.
Here’s the deal, I have been a part of this book club for almost 11 years now. I LOVE it. I love the people and I really enjoy the discussions but recently, we’ve had quite a few new members join and one of them is beginning to be a real problem.
After my unfortunate luck of having to sit next to her last night, I realized that she is not playing with a full deck. Every time someone commented on the book, she would lean over and mutter a negative comment to me. Some of the comments were racist in nature, some had to do with our President. Needless to say, the comments were inappropriate and completely ruined the meeting for me. Someone must have been listening to my prayers because at some point, she said that the meeting was a waste of her time and then just up and left.
Afterward, we discussed the incident a bit. Our group is hosted by the library so we have no control over who shows up. In other words, we are stuck with this person unless she decides to leave the group. Now, she was asked once before not to come since she was pushing religious material into the hands of some of our group members, but after skipping a meeting or two she came back.
How would you handle this? I am not going to put up with her antics at the next meeting but it’s stressful to have to deal with this. I am particularly concerned with the next meeting because we are discussing Obama’s Dreams From My Father and she clearly had a problem with that book being on the list.
Our leader is fantastic but with the group being hosted by the library, she cannot do a thing about this. WE can though. But what? Besides taking her out back and putting her in a pine box of course.
Book Chatter 
Wow, this is definitely a very uncomfortable problem! I would definitely talk to her about it (with other people) and say that while her positive comments are definitely welcome, her negative/racist comments are not. Good luck! (And I know that is a lot easier said than done.)
I think there may be some mental illness going on with this person. Not 100% sure but it’s beginning to look that way. Talking to her in the past has not helped. If anything it has kept her coming.
That is just awful. I think I would try to make sure I wasn’t sitting next to her.
Oh no, that is definitely an uncomfortable situation and being that it’s in a public library there isn’t much you can do unless she’s banned from the library and I’m not sure that’s possible. I guess if she got out of hand the police could be called but that would be a big hub-a-loo. Not really sure what can be done there as it sounds like she might thrive on the attention. The only thing would be to report her for harrassment???
Oh a very similar thing happened in a group I belong to! Luckily when a woman in the group confronted the person who was making inappropriate comments, she left and never came back. I’m not sure what you can do in this situation since this is a public event. Although it does seem to me that the library should perhaps step in, since it’s not fair to let this one woman ruin it for all the rest of you.By the way, I just gave you an award on my blog < HREF="http://shereadsandreads.blogspot.com/2009/02/awards.html" REL="nofollow">here<>.
But the library must have guidelines about appropriate behavior (i.e., racist comments are NOT appropriate, nor would be pushing religious material!). Wouldn’t it be the library’s responsibility to step in. I mean, you can’t do anything about a person who doesn’t shower or interrupts, but if the content of the interruption is against acceptable standards of public behavior, they need to keep her in line.It’s sad if there is some mental illness involved, but I don’t think the library staff should sit back and let her be disruptive.This is a tough one … keep us updated, Ti!
Sticky situation. If there is mental illness involved… then what is a person to do? Especially in a public group setting. HUMMMM..Very uncomfy situation. However. Maybe the person in charge could state specific guidelines for the chat beforehand. Opinions are fine but no racial or biting comments. Whomever she chooses to spew evil on should get up and sit somewhere else each time she is negative. Gosh.. maybe that sounds harsh… I am all talk and probably wouldn’t be bold enough… I would definitely wait for her be seated and sit WAAAAAAAy across the room. Glad that you love your book club.. maybe this woman will give it a rest and not show up.
That’s upsetting. My first thought was like bermudaonion’s (try to sit somewhere else) but then of course she’d be ruining it for whoever she did sit next to. I like what Toni said about having the discussion leader state the rules of conduct before the chat starts- maybe that would help. I’m so glad our group is private!
That’s definitely a sticky situation. Whether this person is mentally ill or just really out of touch with what is considered socially acceptable behavior, you’re right that something should be done. I think the moderator could solve it by making a blanket statement that it’s OK to disagree and have a negative opinion about a book or author, but offensive and/or racist comments are not welcome. Surely the library has policies about this (or something similar), and I think it falls on the library representative to correct things.If that doesn’t work, why not take the whole group and leave the library so you are self-sponsored and self-governing…and just don’t invite the crazy lady?
I guess that’s the beauty of meeting in private homes, we pick who is coming. Although we may also be missing out on meeting and getting to know people who don’t travel in our controlled circle. I suppose it’s that whole yin-yang thing. Focus on the light:)
Ti…this is a terrible place to be in. I agree, don’t sit next to her for one. Maybe as a group try to ignore her when she speaks about racist or inappropriate language. At least that’s what we do with elementary kids. (really not to be funny). If she is looking for attention the negative behavior and the reaction of the group may be fueling her fire. That’s a tough one… I feel for you.Wisteria
Thank you for all of your comments. The moderator for our group has discussed the guidelines for discussion in the past in the group setting, as well as with her in private. It hasn’t helped. I am hoping she does not come back after walking out last Thursday.
I am in the same bookgroup and if said person returns I plan to sit next to her and deal with it in my own way. However, I feel racist comments can not be tolerated in any way, shape orform and I’m sure the library has a policy on that.